Week 6, Entry 2

I've been home only two nights and both of those nights I've had dreams about being in London. It has been a very strange experience, particularly for me, to miss a place that is so far away from my home. When I first arrived, I made a post saying that I couldn't imagine feeling at home in a place that was so far away from everyone I cared about. Throughout my college career I have always felt this way. I transferred from Miami of Ohio because I felt too far away from home. The two years I spent there were always full of yearning to go back to where I came from, to be around those I had grown up with and who understood me. My first year at Ohio State was great, but I assumed it was due to a mixture of being close to home and being around people I was more comfortable with. But this trip has made me realize that sometimes certain areas just have an atmosphere that calls to me, that makes me feel at home and at peace even if I'm miles away.

I felt this way about London. It is strange that I can be homesick in Oxford, Ohio, which is only two and a half hours away from my home, to the point where I can't stand it. But in London, an ocean separated me from those that I cared for the most, and yet I felt comfortable there, like I could make it my home if I wanted to. I realized that being in a city that has so much life and culture makes me feel connected to the world. I always had a theory that I was a city person, but never really had a chance to test it. Now I know that big cities are for me because there is an energy throughout them that makes you feel as though you are a part of something larger than yourself. When planning for this trip, I remember having small stabs of panic at the thought of being so far away for so long. I wasn't sure if I would be able to handle it; what if I had some sort of nervous breakdown? For a long time I thought I would never be able to test my big city theory because I never had the guts to go far away from home. Now thanks to this trip, I know I can handle it. I met some amazing people on this journey, and without them I know London would not have been the same. At the same time however, I feel that London calls a similar type of people together. People who have a thirst for knowledge, experience and culture. People who want to be immersed in life as much as they possibly can while they can. I know that I belong in places like this, places that encourage you to be different and to be someone important. I always hated the way some people would come back from Europe claiming to be "changed forever", like there was something in the air that just made them a totally different (and better) person, something that someone like me (who had never really traveled) couldn't understand. Oddly enough, I feel that I can say that going to Europe has changed me. I'm still the same person I was before, but now I feel that I know more about myself. I am changed because I know what I am capable of, I know what my life can become. I am incredibly thankful for that feeling.